Are You A Destination Addict?
An insidious problem lives amidst the constant striving for achievement. That problem is destination addiction, a term coined by Robert Holden, Ph.D. It presents as the continuous search for happiness somewhere in the future, never here now. This article is for the person who struggles to appreciate their current circumstances, unable to find happiness within the present moment and constantly running towards a blissful future that never seems to arrive. By the end of the article it is my intention that you will be more aware of when destination addiction appears for you and how you can increase your life satisfaction by recognising the good available here now.
How does destination addiction typically appear for those of us who have ambitious physique and/or performance goals? You might recognise that you say to yourself, “I’ll be happy when I weigh…” or “I’ll feel good about myself when I can squat this many kilos”. Another common example is if you find yourself constantly comparing your situation to that of other people or even past moments in your life. The comparison game feeds into destination addiction. You think you’ll be happy when you have what someone else has or when you get back to where you once were. Where you are now is disregarded and minimised compared to our idealised version of somewhere other than here.
It can be a real kick in the guts when you look back to a place you believed you were really kicking goals only to realise that even then, you didn’t see that moment in time as you do now. You weren’t able to appreciate what it was and the process it took to get there. You were too focused on the next thing to be present in the moment and see if for what it was.
So where does the problem lie? It is not in having a goal, or striving to achieve the goal. Both of these things are components that also boost our sense of life satisfaction. The issue lies in the failure to appreciate the process as it’s happening in real time and failure to be grateful for what is, notwithstanding that there may be exciting things ahead. Without any moment guaranteed for us but the present, you can see how putting off happiness until some imagined point in time is a fatal blow to having a fulfilled life experience. What gets lost is the essence of being, appreciating life as we actually exist in the here and now instead of some idealised version of what might be.
Let’s take building a physique as an example that most of us will be able to relate to. We understand that it is a long term process that may never have an end date. It requires constant work to build and then maintain a physique, it’s not a destination to be reached at a singular point and then all action ceases and we are finally, forever happy. We can even liken this to being in a relationship, or cultivating a garden, the process of tending to it doesn’t end. Even when the goal is achieved it’s a process to maintain what is. Therefore the joy is to be found within the process itself, right here and now.
When we look at it like this, we begin to appreciate that whilst setting ourselves goals and milestones along the way can ensure we are making progress (if that’s what we seek), what is the point if we are unable to appreciate the process in and of itself? The process is our life, the process is what takes up our time, the process is how we spend our days. The brief moments that make up our successful achievement of a goal will be great, but they will also be fleeting.
What steps can we take to lean into more gratitude for the here and now and in turn more life satisfaction?
Commence a daily gratitude practice if you don’t already have one. The practice we recommend to our clients is known as “Three Good Things”, where at the end of each day, you write out a list of three good things that you experienced that day, no matter how big or small. You also write down why these things happened and how each of the experiences made you feel. The evidence suggests gratitude practices such as this improve people’s sense of physical well-being and positive emotionality.
Expressing appreciation for those around you when you are grateful to them. Appreciation acts in a similar way to gratitude and allows us to see these experiences as a gift.
When goal setting, take stock of what goals are authentically yours, not goals that you think you should have. When our goals are authentic it is more likely that we will find satisfaction in the process of achieving them as opposed to resentment.
Finally, for all the excitement and happiness you believe is in store for your future self having achieved future goals, look for similar feelings that may already be available to you from accomplishments you are achieving today. In this way you will become primed to notice the feelings that are already available to you today that you might be bypassing by focusing solely on your destination.
I’d love to hear your experience if you have implemented any of these interventions already or if after reading this you have decided to begin.
